“I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.” -Dean Winchester, Supernatural
The gathered clouds, gray and dreary as the rain mourns for a hawk recently passed away. Sniffles and sobs can be heard. The sunny hawk can never come back. Nature and fate can be so cruel. Tears blends into the rain as he stood there that seems like hours. Emotionless. Faceless. Emptiness. Loneliness. Darkness. His light is gone. Extinguish forever. Never coming back. Lost for all eternity. It wasn't exactly fair. His one and only taken away from his grasp.
“Oha Asa, why was he taken away from me? I don't understand? Is this my fate?” Midorima in a moment of true despair. “I couldn't save him.”
Former teammates from his high and middle years has attended the funeral. For condolences and for support. However, all none seems to reach. When all have gone home or work, Midorima continues to stand alone, envelop in his own grief. As Midorima remembers the night of Takao's death, Midorima could not stop blaming himself for letting Takao die due to his powerlessness.
-Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep!
The code blue room. It was coming from Takao's room. Terror strikes within Midorima.
No! No! It can't be! Kazunari! Please! Don't leave me! Kazunari!
Tears flowing from despair. Doctors and nurses rushes to Takao's room. Machinery to pull Takao. A doctor and nurse nearest to the door of Takao's room holds Midorima back from coming in.
“No, Doctor Midorima! You must not come in! Your emotionally clouded right now. Leave the rest to the others to save him, please!”
Midorima couldn't hear it. All he wanted was to be next to Takao as all this goes down. To be the one who saves him. Everything around him seems to be going in slow motion. Takao's condition was worst than anyone has anticipated. A lot worst than the latest results has shown. Takao's illness was rapidly growing. Too fast.
Midorima called Takao's name over and over again. To not give up. To keep living. To not let that illness beat him. Takao was a fighter who didn't give up. However, it wasn't much use. The end of the line was there. Death is there to claim expired lives as if it was nothing.
'This is the natural order of nature. It is how the universe works' is what Death would say.
Unacceptable. This couldn't be happening, yet it is. Flat line. He is gone. Midorima couldn't bear the news. It was too much. He let Takao slip through his fingers. How could he let Takao slip through his goddamn fingers?! It didn't make sense to him at all. Midorima gritted his teeth, holding back every single negative feelings welling inside of him.
Days has passed since the funeral and Midorima is buried in his work, cutting off everything. Wake up. Work. Food. Shower. Sleep. That's all Midorima indulged himself into. Not a care in socializing. Everything is painful for Midorima. If Midorima haven't been keeping himself busy, his mind will wonder off towards Takao and he will be reminded again that his hawk is gone forever. The hole in his heart is too much to bear. Fellow Kiseki no Sedai, Kuroko, Midorima's former Shuntoku teammates who still kept in touch much thanks to Takao all try to best console Midorima. All to no avail. Words and actions of support fallen deaf and blind to Midorima. To Midorima, was anything even worth it anymore? Reality is too cruel of karma.
“Doctor Midorima, there you are. I have been looking for you.” A nurse walks up to Midorima.
“What is it?” Midorima scanning a patient chart without looking up at the nurse.
“Personal effects of the patient you were close with are finally finished being processed.” The nurse spoke slowly, but surely. “Since you were listed as the only family, Doctor Yoshima wants you to sign off some papers after your shift.”
A pause. A silence seemingly to shatter at any second. Midorima sighs. “Fine. Leave it all at my desk.”
The nurse nods in affirmation and left. Takao's personal effects. When Midorima thought he has them all at the house since Takao's death. All stored and locked up in a faraway corner of his memory. Why is fate being so cruel to him?
After his shift, Midorima returns to his desk and sign and stamp the papers left by the nurse. While Midorima rummage through Takao's personal effects that seem have to been left behind by Takao during the remainder of his life at the hospital, an envelop floats out.
“....?” Midorima picks it up the envelop. On it is Takao's handwriting address to Midorima. Curiosity yet hesitantly, Midorima slowly opens the envelop. Inside it is the contents conveying Takao's pack full of feelings, his last words to Midorima. Typical and cliché. Midorima self-loathing laughs to himself. That is so Takao. As Midorima reads the letter, tears wells up and threatens to fall.
Midorima takes off his glasses and places a hand over his eyes after reading the letter, biting his lower lips. Sniffling to have any emotions show at work. Takao really knows how to wreck him up, even after death. Damn annoying jerk. Midorima inhales and exhales a few rattled deep breaths to calm himself down.
“Kazunari, once I see you in the afterlife, you better prepare yourself.” Midorima leans back on his chair, a smile full of mixed emotions creeps up on his face.
Midorima closes his eyes and dream of Takao for the first time since Takao's death. It isn't a terrible dream per say, but a pleasant one. Nostalgic days of the past. Takao smiling brightly at Midorima, in the church they once set foot in years ago. Takao calls for Midorima, telling him let's do their wedding right with everyone. Midorima smiles back at Takao, full of love and admiration. No regrets falling for each other.
-'To my beloved Shin-chan.
By the time you read this, I'll be long gone. Pretty cheesy line, huh? LOL. Oooh, I can hear your grumpy voice scowling me already. That's the part of you I love the most, Shin-chan. You big tsundere. Ahem. I'm.... I'm sorry I have to leave you so soon suddenly and that I never told you sooner my illness. As I write this letter, my life is ever growing short. By the time I'm finish writing this heartfelt letter to you, Death will be giving me a visit really soon. Please don't blame yourself over my death. Knowing you, you already beating yourself up about it. It's my fault that you're feeling this way. Sorry. Sorry. Oh man, this doesn't sound like me at all, does it? Creepy isn't it? *laughs nervously*
As I write this, I regret not able to be with you longer. I.... I really want to grow old with you. I really do. I love you so much. I really really REALLY do love you. You feel the same way right? It really sucks that I have to left before you do. Shin-chan, I'll be patiently waiting for you. I'm sure fate brought us together for a reason. The days I'd spent with you are the happiest. Everyday was so fun. I was so overjoy when you returned my feelings that day. Oh yeah, you already knew didn't you? Haha.
Shin-chan, may I ask you a favor? For the dying man's sake? Please be happy. How sad it would be if you cut off everyone and just work, work, work. I know how stubborn you are, but remember there are people who are there for you. You are not alone. I already know I hold a very special place in your heart. You can never forget about me, even if you try. I'm not too worried about that. Don't be a very gloomy Shin-chan, okay? I love who you were when we first met and I love you even more now. Shin-chan, continue saving lives and never lose yourself in the process. Are you able to fulfill this dying man's wish? I'll be very sad if you couldn't. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I'm pretty sure you know what they are. Am I right? Am I right?
I'm so happy to have met you Shin-chan. I am full of happiness, I feel I could explode. I know what you're going to say. We're lovers and we know each other for a long time now. You made my whole life worth something. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. I patiently await for you. Don't be in such a rush to die, OK? I'll be angry if I see you so soon after death, my naughty tsundere. Until we meet again. Love you lots, Shin-chan.
With full of love and happiness,
Kazunari <3 <3